Understanding Southern Women and Customs

July 29, 2009 – 15:00 pm

Southern WomenThis speaks for itself. So all my northern friends ya’ll come on down and sit for a spell, have a glass of ice tea, and we’ll talk a bit.

Southern women know their summer weather report: Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots: The beach, The rivuh, The crick

Southern women know everybody’s first name: Honey Darlin’ Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions: Baptist Methodist Football

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl’stn, S’vanah, Foat Wuth, N’awlins, Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform, Men in tuxedos, Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall, The Country Club, The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails, Having bad manners, Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism’s: Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of”yonder.”

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”

Even Southern babies know that”Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that”just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, … and when we’re “in line,”… we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y’all is singular, all y’all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her heart” … and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness, Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, … bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y’all need is a sign to hang on y’alls front porch that reads “I ain’t from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.”

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

Now…… Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you’re a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could!

  1. 6 Responses to “Understanding Southern Women and Customs”

  2. All I can say is FINALLY! :)

    So… what IS the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit?

    By Christa M. Miller on Jul 29, 2009

  3. Christa, Please visit the following links:

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=conniption+fit

    and

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hissy%20fit

    By Rich Schumaker on Jul 29, 2009

  4. “Y’all” is plural.

    “Ya” is singular.

    Thank you very much and bless your little heart for the laugh.

    By Amy Johnson on Aug 8, 2009

  5. I come from a very long line of southerners on both sides, some back to the actual petticote brigade.

    I have nevah heard ya evah used as a singular verb. Obviously, this is a term of some cornbread aristocratic wanna be, bless your hawrt.

    By CT on Dec 31, 2009

  6. Support a fellow Southerner AND indulge yourself in a read read: Telling Tales of Dusk, by Terri Kirby Erickson. Check out my website for more info and syndicated columnist Sharon Randall’s comments about the book… http://terrikirbyerickson.wordpress.com!

    By Terri Kirby Erickson on Jul 14, 2010

  7. To all you “northern transplants…”what a darlin’ way to describe us sweet southern belles.  Bless yo little hearts and may shugah and honey fill our glasses of tea while you northerners shovel snow and dream of retirement so you can join the rest of your cousins who shop in our “mawls,” fish in our “cricks”, need a translater when you order “pop-con shrimp” or “huevos rancheros and the breakfast taco” in place of grits and red eye gravy, while verbally trashing our heritage and traditions and refusing to leave and go back to their snow ploughs.   LOL (laugh out loud), what a shame and…let’s see…what year did that civil “wahr” end and let’s not evah forget dear, dear Rhett.  Not one little “laced up” darlin’ could “evah” resist his charms.  Yep, ’tis true we take time to “smell the roses” or loan a cup of sugah to our neighbor friends in exchange for fresh collards right out of their backyard gardens.  Just plum delicious, I tell ya’ll.  You know what “they” say about us southern country gals, “you can take them out of the country but you can’t evah take the country out of them.”  You also know all the best movies or at least you can name the ones that touch the hearts of the people who have one.  I’d rather have a short lived journey in the South than live to be a hundred and one in the “cold country.”  Baby, it does get cold up there… and I ain’t just talkin’ about the weatha’.

    By Pam White on Jul 18, 2011

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